I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
