my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
