Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
