my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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