I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
