May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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