did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize