Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
