Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
