you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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