I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
