a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
