there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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