you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize