drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
