I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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