I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
