It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have already put on my inside pants.
He did a backflip because drugs
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
