He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
