BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize