His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
