Cold hands, warm shart.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize