a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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