That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
