she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
