Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My balls are so social today.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
