Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
