just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
