I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
