Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
