She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
