woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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