I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
