if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
