I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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