how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
