Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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