Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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