as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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