FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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