Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
