Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
