remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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