Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
