Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
