You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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