dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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