I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
