So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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