Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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