Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
