If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize