i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish i was in the wii world.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
