Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
