Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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