everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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