Even the bartender felt bad for me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
