what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The beer is more important than you right now.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
