HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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