If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
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he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize