My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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