He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
