Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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