I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
