I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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