there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
